Its fairly easy to waste time sitting at home, trying to write a book. I look over my shoulder and there are some dishes to do. While doing the dishes I see an ant exploring the side board next to the cooker. I’ve named him Herman - he comes to visit regularly and up to now he hasn’t come with any of his friends, a good arrangement, a little ant friend without having an infestation is good company, if a little quiet.

If i don’t have dishes to wash there’s email to check, or just music to listen to a little more attentively. Today the music won out and i sat listening to High Hopes, the last track on the Division Bell album of Pink Floyd. That was it, I was gripped by it, writing went out of the window as i realised David Gilmore was singing about something I think about a lot, where people’s ambition goes as they get older - not everyone but a lot of us lose it, but very few of us I think, actually lose the yearning to achieve those now distant dreams.

“beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun”

I remember the division bell ringing loudly for me just before my twelfth birthday, I woke up and realised i didn’t want to get any closer to dying! A bit strong for a twelve year old, but I couldn’t help it!!

“Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times”

My eyes certainly seem to scan the horizon constantly, searching for something to quench the thirst for more adventure i can absorb myself in and convince myself is worthwhile. The thing is, the encumbrance of desire and ambition seems to get stronger, heavier each time a goal is achieved!! How does one just become content with what one has done?? I’m dying to find out….literally.